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May 2nd, 2007
05:59 pm - Dear Erika,
You grew away from me, so I grew bitter.
Maybe not so bitter as much as protected.
Like a creature in a seashell.
I cry almost every day now,
I am weak without your constant energy
flowing over me.
It's startling to think of how much
you don't know about my life now.
You used to know everything about me
even before I did.
I spend my days with first graders,
they draw me pictures, call me
Miss Michele.
I spend my nights
rescuing wildlife.
the same kind of adventures
you used to call me with, crying.
It's obvious that one of us changed.
I stayed right here.
You left.
You grew away from me.
I promise I haven't changed . . .
i think.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/cold_sp.gif) cold
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April 23rd, 2007
05:12 pm - PHONE NUMBERS?
So on Friday, I went rockclimbing. Awesome. Except I left my cell phone in my unlocked car in Troy-
I no longer have a cell phone. I may sometime in the future, except for now, I have no ones phone numbers. This particularly sucks becuase the weather is awesome and I want to hang out with people.
Please e-mail me your phone number.
micheledrake0702@yahoo.com
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/angry_sp.gif) aggravated
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April 16th, 2007
09:34 pm
The beggining of spring is always a busy time.
Bobby and I are going to NYC together. Three days later, we are going to prom together.
School is almost over. Its ironic, I spend half my high school time hating Shen, and now that I have less than 50 days there, I love it. I don't know if I'm ready.
I feel selfish and childish for not letting any of my senior friends talk about the "g" word (graduation). I wasn't fair of me. Graduation is exciting and intimidating and a huge milestone. I wasn't ready to think about it then, and I'm not now either.
If it weren't for Ginger Gerstenberger, my life would be dreary and miserable. She always asks about my current worries and events, fills me in on theirs, feeds me, and most importantly, gives me the best life-advice and insight I could ask for. She is such a brilliant woman. An inspiration. We talk alot about the important things in life: staying happy, keeping your family together, growing and changing, but holding onto you loved ones. Our talks always end in the best, most motherly hugs. She reminds me that I have so much to learn. In fact, she is one of the only people (besides Mr. Merchant and Erika) who can teach me without belittling me or making me feel intimidated.
I want to move in with my friend Shannon. I know it's stupid financially, but it's important to me. Where do I go from here?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/pensive_sp.gif) concerned
Current Music: get me away, I'm dying
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September 11th, 2005
02:49 pm
today was the best day of my life.
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May 15th, 2005
07:41 pm - i should cut this, but i cant because my computer is mean.
 theres really only one way to do this, so here it goes:
BEFORE:
 i am very proud of our flowers for a few reasons: mine have fairy dust, and chris' is a sunflower.
 sorry, but im not cool enough to flip this picture for you, so turn your lazy heads. haha
DURING:
 alli and mason.
 fancy people never let their pinkys touch their cups.
 christopher and griffin
 again... not cool enough to flip it for you...
 awwwwwwww
 the most amazing lexy servis EVER
 its quite diaaspounting that this is the only picture i have of shona and mike dancing. it really was well choreographed, and mildly amazing. i do love shona watt.
 griff, ashley, and shona
 mike and lexy
AFTER:
 shiffy and jess
 people seem to thikn that theres something cool about this picture... so im glad i took it.
 i love this sideways picture of tim
 .. yes.. this is the boy i date.
... isnt he cute?
 ACHOOOOO!
 tim, a little wheeler, jared (whos mom makes AMAZING cookies), and mike
 freak. cute freak.
thats 1/2 of the digitals. plus a whole lot more film pictures. anyway, it was WONDERFUL, and i am very glad that we went. shona, chris and i slept in a tent all cuddled up, but it as raining and now i have a cold. i had an amazing time. anyway, i have to sleep before i die since i doubt i slept more than two hours last night/ early morning, but i will post more pictures whn i have them. and a more detailed post, too.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/sick_sp.gif) sick
Current Music: my sweet boyfriend singing in my ear last night
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August 16th, 2004
10:05 am - one last entry.
i think this is going to be my last entry. kaytys parents read my and glorias livejournals. m-o-m asked us to erase them, but i have the feeling that there wasnt a question about it. gloria just erased hers yesterday, but i dont think that i can do that. so instead, im making it friends only and just never posting in it again. hopefully that will suffice. this lj is my life, written down, it is everyhting that i have felt and wanted. this livejournal is a fucking record of the best summer of my life, and they want me to click a button and make it dissapear.
i asked kayt if i could write mom and ed a letter in this entry, so that if they check to make sure i deleted it, they could read it. she said that they would be mad, and that it would be like talking back to them. i have a lot to say to them. and this is taking all i have to write down, knowing that they might read it. i do love m-o-m and ed. more than they know. they have been good to me, and it means a lot that they are still letting me hang out with their daughters in their home even though my livejournal mentioned smoking and drinking 11 times starting june 6th, and ending july 28th. which is just about where it ended.
it really fucking stings that they couldnt have trusted us, and despite what they say about the crazy people out there, i have a feeling it has nothing to do with them, or at least not as much to do with them as its been made out to be. yes, i did fuck up. i admit to that. I FUCKED UP, EVERYONE! smoking weed might be bad or wrong or whatever your parents say. but for me, its not about my parents, its about kaytys. i told my mom everyhting that was going on, and she said that she would be worried if i didnt party every once in a while, and that she doesnt want to read my lj becuase if i wanted her to know, i wouldve told her (she does want me to stop posting). any parent who doesnt think their children would tell them if there was a problem is both insecure and over protective. so yes, i did fuck up. but you know what, kids fuck up. thats how we learn.
you, however are adults. you lost our trust in you. you both were in positions where we felt that we could talk to you. but you invaded my privacy, so i will never trust you like i used to. i know that it is on the internet, and i know some sick people have probably read it, but you know what? you cant protect us forever. there are sick people out there weather you use the internet or not. if you shelter us, we are just going to rebel. and you could probably stand losing me and glow, but im not just talking about us. what about kayt, and meg? do you really think that they will just agree to those ridiculous rules forever? it seems so unfair.
and right now you are probably thinking about how much you hate me, and how sorry you will be to tell your daughters that they cant see me anymore. you have probably already disowned me, but these are words that i have to say. you were right, mom, writing a livejournal is like publishing a book. and for me, that is the beauty of it. i want my words out there, for the whole world to read. i want to be brutally honest, and have everyone know what i have to say! and im lost when you take that away from me. so far, i have wanted to write in my livejournal at least 10times a day. its been three days. i feel so full of emotions that i dont even know what to do with myself. writing in a paper journal isnt the same, becuase no matter how many people read it, it isnt like internet. i dont care if its safer, for me, it defeats the purpose. ive written songs, poems, you name it, its been tried. one thing i didnt turn to: drugs. see, i bet you think im a lot worse than i am. no mater how much i write, it doesnt give me that release. and now, writing finally in my lj, i feel it. i feel light hearted. and you are taking that away.
you are probably mad that i wrote in it again, and you are probably mad that i critisized your parenting skills. you know how i figure it? i learned about pot and alcohol the hard way, you are learning about teenagers the hard way. i am honored to have been able to experience being one of your daughters, and i am trying to turn it into soemthng constructive to you by telling you how it felt. i am going to find a new way to get my release, but for this one last time, i am asking you to forgive my livejournal. i do love you and your family. i hope that you will still allow me to be a part of that. i also hope that you will let your children experience a safe dose of what the world has to offer. without it, they will stand defenseless to the sickos that you are worried about. you have to let us learn the hard way.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/sad_sp.gif) crushed
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micheledrake's journal